


An Act of God

by StormsThing1



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls), Arson, Court Room Drama, court room drama?, gross misuse of magitech, tyrone gets arrested again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22297621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormsThing1/pseuds/StormsThing1
Summary: Mr. Tyrone Oaks lounged in his chair. He took a long slurp from his drink of mysterious origin."How does the defense plea?"They had a plan, a plea deal. It was a good offer, especially considering all the charges."Not guilty." Tyrone declared, the most confident being in the universe."Mr. Oaks." the judge looked at him down her nose, "You know your personal feelings of guilt have nothing to do with this, yes?"
Comments: 17
Kudos: 165





	An Act of God

Officer Park arrived at the scene of the fire while the firefighters were still working on it and took a moment to admire the multicolored flames. In his professional opinion; flames that color usually meant a magical arson. He took some witness statements.

“The fire started all at once.” one woman with tall hair said, “I was on my morning jog, and one moment there was nothing and then just  _ woosh _ fire everywhere.” she cradled a dog with equally tall hair and sunglasses.

The officer nodded and thanked her, then moved on down the street to a well-dressed man who stood across the street, smiling at the firefighters’ attempts to stop the fire. He nodded proudly as a window shattered.

“Sir, can you tell me anything of note about the fire?”

“I’d say it’s my best one yet.” the man said, grinning.

Officer Park hesitated a moment, then looked the man in the eye, “Pardon, Sir? Did you just admit to the crime?”

“Oh yeah, totally.” the man said, “I’m very proud of it. I’m totally taking credit for that.”

Officer Park grimaced at the old-timey overuse of ‘totally’. “Then I’m going to have to take you in, Mr. …?”

“Hm…” the man put his hand on his chin like he was mulling it over. “Oaks! I like Oaks right now. I’m Tyrone Oaks.”

“Mr. Oaks, please come with me.” handcuffs didn’t seem necessary, he was crazy but not uncooperative.

“Right-O Mr. Park.” Tyrone said happily. Officer Park never revealed his name.

“State your name for the record.” Investigator Lindy Gomez said, flicking through some files on her AirPad.

“Tyrone Oaks, for now.” he played with the shackle connecting his right wrist to the table. After they’d found him wandering the restricted areas of the station a few times they had decided to keep him chained to furniture. He had still gone for a vending machine run.

“Is that an alias, then?” Gomez asked. She pointed the camera on her glasses on him to scan for any micro-emotions or tells he may have.

“No Ma’am, that is my legal name.” Tyrone said. “Currently.”

In one corner of Gomez’s HUD the file for Tyrone Oaks appeared, and he was indeed a real person. Though one with a surprisingly blank record.

“Mr. Oaks, you claim to have started the fire at 2322 Mayes St. at approximately six forty-one Thursday morning.”

“Six forty and twenty-three seconds, actually.” he corrected, and the shackle was on his left hand now. With his right he tapped out some pop song. How he managed to fit all the chords into that, Gomez didn’t know. Although she was a little impressed.

“But you admit that you did it?” she pressed. For this to be viable in court, it would be best for him to clearly state his actions, and his motivation if possible. A crazy man rambling about setting fires didn’t tend to sway too many people’s minds.

“Totally.” he said. It was the fifth time since Gomez had come in to interview him. “I believe that fire is one of my better ones.”

Gomez stopped. “Are you saying you’ve burnt down other buildings?”

“I’ve burnt a lot of stuff.” Tyrone said, “Houses, cars, people. Oh, this one time-”

“We’ll get to that later.” Gomez sighed. “Right now, let’s just focus on this arson case.” she groaned. Of course she got stuck with the maniac.

“Okay, if that’ll make your underpaid job more bearable for you.” he grinned. He took an uncomfortably long drink from a bottle Gomez didn’t remember being there. It was clear purple plastic with strings at the top and cucumbers floating in it.

“According to the firefighter’s reports, the fire was started by plugging every magitech device on the floor into one socket, and then overloading the system with magic.” she read the report.

“Oh, that was fun.” Tyrone said, “I’ve never used magitech to start a fire before. I’d say it worked out quite nicely. And did you see the color of those flames! Beautiful.” 

She had seen the color of those flames. Pink and green and blue, she was looking at an image of them on her AirPad now.

“It took firefighters two hours to stop the flames, in which time they spread to two different buildings.” she said.

“They should have just asked nicely.”

“Why did you set the fire that set three buildings on fire, including an apartment complex, a clothing store and a restaurant, all of which obtained significant damage?” Gomez asked.

“I just felt like it, you know?” Tyrone shrugged and took another swig from the water. Now it had strawberries floating in it. “Besides, the carpeting in apartment 256 was just abhorrent. Like, orange? Really, Helga?” he shrugged.

“Did you break and enter and then burn the apartment down?” Gomez said, groaning as she tapped some more notes on her AirPad. She pitied whichever attorney got assigned to this guy.

“I didn’t ‘break’ I just entered.” Tyrone said, “Without permission.”

“Mr. Oaks, you are being charged with two counts of second-degree arson and one count of first-degree arson.” Gomez said. “And possibly trespassing.” she added, the vocoder on her glasses adding it to his case document.

“Awesome.” Tyrone grinned the grin of a man who had absolutely no understanding of how much jail time he was about to receive, especially with an unapologetic confession like that.

  
  
  


The courtroom was chaotic, bubbling with excitement for the biggest court case to hit the town in years. Every seat was filled with eager citizens, and many watch parties had been arranged all around town. It was a small town, so anything remotely busy was bound to get super popular.

The judge, the Honorable Leticia de la Cruz, swung her gavel and the room descended into silence. Everyone rose to greet her, then sat back down again as she did.

_ Screech _ . One chair dragged across the ground like nails on a chalkboard.  _ Crunch _ . The sound of many rolls of bubble wrap popping all at once.  _ Screech. _ The chair dragged again. Mr. Tyrone Oaks grinned.

“What? Is there some spinach stuck in my teeth?” he bared his teeth.

Her Honor Mrs. Cruz cleared her throat. “Mr. Oaks, you are accused of one count of first-degree arson, two counts of second-degree arson, one count of trespassing, and fifteen counts of purposeful misuse of magitech that resulted in damage to property. How do you plea?” it was a forgone conclusion really, the defendant had been offered a plea deal after all the evidence was arranged. Honestly, this trial was mainly for the views and publicity.

The lawyer, one Bobbi Jones, straight from university and intent on starting their career right stood up silently. “Guil-”

“Not guilty.” Mr. Oaks rested his arms behind his head.

A hushed murmur ran through the room.

Jones blinked at him from behind thick glasses. They quickly turned to their own AirPad, swiping through all their files intently. “Oaks what do you think you’re-” they muttered before the judge spoke up.

“Mr. Oaks, if I recall correctly, you were offered a plea deal.” Mrs. Cruz said, “Has something changed since your pre-trial hearing?”

“No, nothing happened. I’m just not guilty.” he rested his feet on the table, and he definitely didn’t have those loafers when he walked in. “And man! This courtrooms so snazzy! You shoulda seen the last one I was in, such a downer. Like, get out of my business, geez.”

“Mr. Oaks, please stay on task.” Mrs. Cruz cleared her throat.

“When was this place built, anyways?” he said, “I haven’t seen any architecture like this in like, a hundred years.”

“Four hundred, Mr. Oaks.” Mrs. Cruz said, tapping something on her computer, “Now, if the-”

“One century, four centuries, what’s the difference. Time is a social construct.” he shrugged, “This place is just asking for an accident, in my opinion, I-”

“I will open the floor for the prosecution to present their case.” she beat her gavel into her desk far more often than strictly necessary. “Mr. Lawrence, if you’d please.”

“Thank you, your honor.” the prosecutor grinned, stepping into the middle of the hall. He pressed a button on his clicker, and the projector screen fell from over head. “Now, I wasn’t prepared to debate the accused’s guilt, but I think I’ll be able to whip something together.” he winked at the crowd.

An image of Oaks appeared in the screen.  _ “Totally. I believe that fire is one of my better ones. I’ve burnt a lot of stuff. Houses, cars, people.” _

Oaks nodded along, chuckling at the screen.

“That’s a pretty sound admission of guilt, if you ask me.” Lawrence smiled at the jury. “And to help with sentencing, I’d like to call Fire Chief Brookes to the stand.”

A burly woman took the stand, dressed in a loud orange dress that showed off her ripped biceps. 

“Ms. Brookes, would you mind elaborating on the nature of the flames, and the cause behind them?”

“Certainly, sir.” she boomed. “They were like nothing I’ve ever seen before. By our investigation, it seems around fifteen magitech devices were linked and chained into one of those little ukagaka apps, which caused them to overload and explode.”

“That was great. And they were all singing as they went.” Oaks waved his hands as if conducting an invisible concert. He took a swig from the same purple water bottle he had before, though now it had questionable leaves floating in it.

Ms. Helga Kirchoff took the stand next, as it was her apartment that had been ground zero for the fire. “I don’t even have that many magitech devices.” she wiped her eyes with a green hanky, “And I lost years worth of paintings.”

Mr. Zhou, the owner of the restaurant that burned down, yelled at Oaks until guards dragged him off the stand. Oaks snored louder with each insult hurled his way.

Then came the defense’s turn.

The public defender Jones, who had not been in nervous tears, stood and wringed their hands. Things were not looking good for their first ever court case.

“Um, my client, is, erm, obviously, uh, unhinged.” they tripped over the desk’s leg as they stood. “So, um, it stands to reason that nothing he says can be, well, trusted. His speech is completely nonsensical. He has called me, and I quote, ‘a blue power-hungry pseudo-psychic baby’ more times than I can count.” Jones was six-four with long red hair.

Oaks burst into laughter, apparently not sleeping anymore. “That’s right!” he said. “Also, I like this one. You right, you right.”

“A registered psychologist has reviewed the footage I sent her and is currently stuck in traffic.” Jones said, “In the meantime, I would like to ask Detective Gomes to step to the stand to testify on the defendant’s behavior.”

Lawrence stood up, “Objection, your Honor,”

“Let them have this.” Mrs. Cruz said, “They don’t have much to work with.”

Gomes walked up, clearly not dressed for a presentation. “Oh, I didn’t have anything prepared.” she said.

“Neither did I.” Jones grumbled a bit too loud.

“But, it is true, the defendant’s speech was very disjointed. It was hard to get a straight answer from him about anything. Even his name.” she wrung her hands. “Is that enough?”

“It’s as good as I’m gonna get.” Jones said, “Thanks.” Gomes smiled weakly.

“So, um, there’s no real evidence, besides his questionable confession, that my client actually did anything.”

“Oh, don’t bother.” Oaks pshed and waved his hand. “I totally, one-hundo percent burned down that building. Buildings.” he shrugged and went up on two chair legs. “I’m just not guilty.”

Judge Cruz blinked and slid her readers down her nose to look right at Oaks. “Mr. Oaks, your personal feelings on the matter have nothing to do with this.” she said.

“Aw, you hurt my feelings.” Oaks pouted, “I don’t know why you’d say something so mean, Lettie.”

“If I may be so frank Mr. Oaks- hey sit down!” she looked at the guards, “Shouldn’t he be shackled or something?”

“He smuggled in some type of music player.” one of the meatheads said, “We spent all night trying to find it.”

“Ma’am, we don’t care anymore.”

“I,” Oaks struck a dramatic pose, one foot on the table, “Am an Act of God.”

“What?” Jones squeaked and fell to the ground. “My case,” they whined, and if they began sobbing no one pointed it out, not even the soulless courtroom transcript writer.

“I’m afraid I don’t follow you Mr. Oaks.” Judge Cruz grinned tightly, “Now sit down before I sic security on you.”

“Let me explain, boys, gals, and pals. I’m an Act of God.” Oaks grinned, “A freak accident. You can’t sue a hurricane for burning your house down, right?”

“Hurricanes don’t often cause fires.” Lawrence said numbly.

“Wanna bet?” Oaks turned to him, then back to the crowd.

“Objection,” Lawrence tried.

“Sir,” the judge looked at him, “If I could stop this it would have been done a long time ago. Let him get it out of his system.”

“So you can’t blame me for burning a house down.” Oaks sat on the witness stand. “I’m a force of nature. You couldn’t stop me even if you had the guts to try.”

“Mr. Oaks, mind explaining why you believe you’re a force of nature.” to the judge, Jones’ claims that Oaks was too insane to be trusted were starting to sound justified.

“Simple.” Oaks grinned too wide, too many teeth. “I’m a demon.”

All the lights shut out. Someone screamed.

Blue fire lit up the room and it was the Dreambender lounged across the witness stand. He winked at Jones. “Have fun with this, baby-cheeks.” he laughed, and windows cracked with a sound like rustling paper.

“Well, this has been fun and all but I have some _b͚̤̤̺̬u̯̳̳̦̭̯̰̤s͙̤͚͕̗̜͈̻̲i͕̞̠̥n̪͓̦̹̟e͇͎͙̳̥̰̯s͔̭̜͈s̞̼͎̥̙͈͇ ̺̳͎̘͕̭̘t̗͕̹͈̙͓̺o̺͇̝̼̠̞͈̹ ͖̟̗̤̭̺̥̯ṭ̠̥̮̱͈͖̩a̼̙̥̳͓̩k̗̘̺̻̤͚̜͖e̲̻̫͙ ͖̺̟̫c͇̤̺̪͓a̤͙̯̙̥̘͙̩̹r͉̜̩̲̺e͖̝̦͈̱ ̖̺o͙̩f̼.͙͕ͅ_ Have fun biding your time till the sun explodes!”

And then he exploded in a rain of old “Get out of Jail Free” cards.

“I need a drink,” the judge said.

**Author's Note:**

> *Rises from the dead*  
> Hey yall, it's been a while. I don't really have much else to say than that, just enjoy!  
> also, comments are my lifeblood ;3


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